There is no more pertinent social issue than that of gay marriage. Pundits and politicians alike have had cracks at the topic since it became popularly contested, rather than just presumptuously quashed by the majority. However, this quality alone makes gay marriage no different than the legalization of marijuana, immigration, or any number of other hot-button issues. Taking the similarities even further, gay marriage, along with marijuana legalization and immigration, divide the public as much as they do the movers and shakers in government and the political media. But, in my opinion, gay marriage carries a heavier significance with the general populous than either of the other two issues mentioned. I believe that on both sides of the argument, the vehemence with which they hold their convictions is elevated to a level that is almost unattainable but for a perfect concoction of values and beliefs. On the pro side, many of the advocates for gay marriage are, in fact, gay themselves. Their right to marry who they want, for the most part, carries much more significance than whether they can or cannot legally purchase marijuana, or whether foreign immigrants share their rights as American citizens. On the con side, the consensus is similar. As far as my limited expertise informs me, gay marriage (or romantic relations of any sort) is the only one of the three cited contentions that is expressly forbidden in the Bible. That being the case, I believe that those willing to stand up and be counted as part of this argument hold their convictions much closer to the chest than they would if they were contending against either the legalization of marijuana, or immigration.
That was probably the least funny paragraph I have ever written. And I actually feel bad about that.
Sue me for trying to tie in some social relevance into a blog about video games, right? Sheesh. Oh well. Thanks for indulging me Jesse, Joe, and the seven other people that will ever see this post, let alone get this far through it. Believe it or not, the discussion of the perception of gay marriage in our country above does have some bearing, however minuscule and incredibly forced, on the larger and much more important topic of achievements.
Yesterday, I played Fable III for... a good... eight to ten hours, during which I racked up in excess of 200G. Worth it? Who knows. Fun? Ho yeah. For the record, this game rules. I haven't played I or II, but I will be taking a serious look at them when my time with the third installment has come to a close. Maybe I'll Tarantino the entire Fable trilogy; play from the ending to the beginning. There are two achievements in particular that took some finagling (thank you Firefox spell check), and the second I have yet to secure. These achievements are:
Long Distance Relationship (10G) - Get married to another Xbox Live Player.
Cross-Dimensional Conception (10G) - Have a child with another Xbox Live Player.
Some of you may now see, or at least suspect, where the correlation between my opening stanza and these achievements lies. Yeah. It's gonna be like that.
First, I must point out the obvious. No matter how many nicely painted and perfumed toes I will be stepping on, I have to say: girls (women, females, etc.) do not play on LIVE. It's just a fact of nature. Dinosaurs are extinct, the Earth is round, and girls are not on Xbox LIVE. The end. That being the case, you can imagine the inherent difficulty I expected to encounter in even getting married to another player on LIVE, let alone convincing them to... well... let's just say... join you in securing the
Cross-Dimensional Conception achievement. Now, I will admit, my first instinct was "I have to find a girl to get these?! Ha! Right!" Because I, myself, am heterosexual. However, it wasn't long before I remembered that homosexuality is an included aspect of the Fable III universe. Up until this point, it had affected my character very little. I had already been married twice, divorced once, with two little scamps running around the world.
Two quick asides: My first child was a girl named Lisa, who was conceived very early on in the game. I found myself experiencing the same thoughts that many real-world teen parents must experience. The feeling of being unable to enjoy a "full" life with individual experiences. However, since my baby was digital, and would not require any actual support, emotional, financial, or otherwise, I bailed. True story. However, as fate would have it, I came 'round to the Orphanage in Bowerstone Industrial in an attempt to complete the
Adopt or Die (5G) achievement, and stumbled upon none other than little Lisa, now an orphan, but as virtuous as the day her dad walked out on her. By this time I had become King of Albion, and had taken up residence in Bowerstone Castle with my second wife, and our son, Orion. So I signed the virtual papers, and made the conscious decision to love Lisa once again. O, how sweet the sound.
The second aside: My character is white, my second wife is white, but our son is black. Wtf.
Moving on. After giving the prospect of finding a potential female spouse on LIVE any thought at all, I realized the chances were slim. In the same breath, however, I remembered that gay marriage is common in Fable. That being the case, I decided to take my chances with whatever character inhabited the world Fable's LIVE function decided to drop me into. Surprise surprise, three out of three were male. Number one was very early on in the game, and was in the process of completing a quest in which he had to take a villager by the hand, and lead her somewhere. Naturally, I killed his villager almost instantly. And that was the end of that. Number two was glitchy. No good there. Number three actually proved to be a cool dude, with the gamertag "whackipedia" (I cringe as I type "cool dude," remembering the activities I would initiate with this person later), and we chatted a little via messages on LIVE. I hooked him up with around 500K in gold, and popped the question. The text box that read "whackipedia is considering your proposal" hung on the uncomfortably silent screen for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, Mr. whackipedia came to me with what I can only label as an appropriately awkward response to an admittedly awkward situation. "ok but im on top." To which I promptly replied "that's cool. i'm a power bottom anyway." We chuckled to ourselves, broke the tension, and got hitched. I should mention here that when preparing a wedding in Fable, you are afforded the choice of more expensive and more extravagant ceremonies, as well as the contrary. We had a "Street Wedding." Thanks, whackipedia. While we were at it, we also struck up a business partnership while we were at it, securing both of us the
Online Merger (10G) achievement. Next came the most uncomfortable concept of the entire ordeal: conception. There were two routes to satisfying (poor choice of words) achievement in my mind: conception, or adoption. I took the achievement's description literally, and thought we should at least attempt legitimate conception. I also figured that the folks at Lionhead Studios were aware of the shortage of women LIVE players, and, for a meager 10G, were likely to say screw it, and allow same sex couples to conceive. Oh, how wrong I was. The deed was done, and no achievement bubble. I felt... dirty. Soiled, if you will. Undoubtedly the most confusing experience of my character's long and noble life, without even a child to show for it. Granted, this may be for the best, as that child would most certainly be an abomination against nature.
So, we set out for the Orphanage, which I knew all too well. Again, I signed the virtual papers, this time as half of a gay married couple. But alas, no achievement. I'm left to conclude that, in order to secure this achievement, I must face the daunting task of finding a female Fabler on LIVE.
I'd like to thank whackipedia for being a good sport, as well as Mr. McDonald for privileging me with posting privileges. I realize it's quite a privilege, and I must admit, I feel quite privileged.
