Gamefly, will you marry me?

Seriously. Thank you, Avatar: Burning Earth. 1000g in 7.5 minutes. I mashed 'B' for that time and got all 5 'chiev-oes. It wasn't fair. It wasn't pretty. But it just felt so good.

You know what I mean.

It was in the mail today when I arrived. I put it in. I skipped all cut scenes. 1k-ed it. All the while I was on the phone with my brother from Portland. Sealed it back up. That sucker's going in the mail tomorrow. Backyard Football '10 and TMNT are next in my Q.

Kinectimals has also been 1k-ed. I have the sabre-tooth tiger to prove it. The story in Kinectimals was rediculous (shocking, eh?) but it was fun to play. I really enjoy how Kinect varies controls on each game. The limits are being lifted away. The shroud is pulled from the gaming industry's nearly insatiable eyes. I'm enjoying it heartily. Like the stew.

Recap on scores --

Joseph - 13770
(430)
Joshua - 13340
(2675)
Jesse - 10665 -- I broke 10k. Yes.

Joseph, I have a very important question for you.

Ahem. Where is the "Hey, let's take a super gay" pose/backdrop in the avatar marketplace? I really want to use it.

Recap of scores --

Joseph - 12995
(740)
Josh - 12255
(2590)
Jesse - 9665

The end of week one.

The end of week one is here. That went fast. Here are some highlights--

-Joshua and Jesse now have Gamefly.
-Joe made the worst gamer picture ever.
-Joe popped 42 achievements for 632g.
-Joshua popped 45 achievements for 885g.
-Jesse popped 91 achievements for 2277g.
-We achieved 178 times for 3794g.
-Joe relinquished his title to himself and made the next worst gamer picture ever.
-I played way too much Kinect.
-Joe played way too much Soul Calibur.

Last, but certainly not least --

-Joshua married a man and attempted to conceive with him on Fable III.

These are the kind of results I've been hoping for. I'm off to do some more treasure hunting in Kinectimals. Joseph. Joshua. I'm coming for you.

Recap of scores --

Joseph - 12685
(430)
Joshua - 12255
(2990)
Jesse - 9265

Just when I thought Joseph couldn't get any gayer.

Look what he's done to his gamer picture. I think it's to the point that Josh and I need to team up and take equally awful photos of ours so Joe doesn't look so bad. Holy crap, kid.

Moving on. I'm now a registered member of Gamefly. My GameQ is pretty sweet. I have some terrible, loathsome games in it. I counteract the awfulness with Arkham Asylum and Assassin's Creed Brotherhoood. I was feeling pretty brave and also put Dead Space 2 on there. It was late. I was on my iPod. I was feeling invincible.

I'm not too sure I'll let that one ship.

I also will be working most Mondays this month, usually pretty late. Those might be my no-post days. I've developed a strategy for maximum points now. More on that tomorrow.

Recap of scores --

Joseph - 12685
(430)
Joshua - 12255
(3520)
Jesse - 8735

This one made me feel good.

So, I've decided to set another goal in tandem with raping Joseph's gamerscore. I want to weigh 17o at the same time that this contest ends. I got the Biggest Loser for Kinect and have played it every day since I got it, for a total of 6 days. Nothing huge yet, but it's been a gnarly workout each time. Unfortunately for you, I only workout in Borat's V-suit, so I won't be posting any photos.

Plus, Joseph said I can't do both. He thinks I can only beat his gamerscore or lose the wieght. I'm DTF for both.

The 100g achievement on that game is working each of your scheduled workouts for 12 weeks. That puts my goal right around April 1st. I really look forward to posting that achievement. We'll see if I can do it. Here's what I got today--


-Here's to burning 1000 calories in game. Gear up.



Also, I defeated King Kong. Worst, Terriblest, Crappiest, Clunkiest, Worst, Ugliest, Most Terriblest game that has ever been created. It's 1000g are not worth the sad excuse for a game that was played. Really? PS1 graphics!?!?? No jump button?!!?!?! Throwing spears at demon bat creatures that had nothing to do with that bogus movie?!?!?!?!!?! Oh goodie!1!11!!11

FML.

Recap of scores --

Joseph - 12645
(590)
Josh - 12055
(3320)
Jesse - 8735

Bear Jew's Issues: Fable III, Xbox LIVE, and Gay Marriage.

There is no more pertinent social issue than that of gay marriage. Pundits and politicians alike have had cracks at the topic since it became popularly contested, rather than just presumptuously quashed by the majority. However, this quality alone makes gay marriage no different than the legalization of marijuana, immigration, or any number of other hot-button issues. Taking the similarities even further, gay marriage, along with marijuana legalization and immigration, divide the public as much as they do the movers and shakers in government and the political media. But, in my opinion, gay marriage carries a heavier significance with the general populous than either of the other two issues mentioned. I believe that on both sides of the argument, the vehemence with which they hold their convictions is elevated to a level that is almost unattainable but for a perfect concoction of values and beliefs. On the pro side, many of the advocates for gay marriage are, in fact, gay themselves. Their right to marry who they want, for the most part, carries much more significance than whether they can or cannot legally purchase marijuana, or whether foreign immigrants share their rights as American citizens. On the con side, the consensus is similar. As far as my limited expertise informs me, gay marriage (or romantic relations of any sort) is the only one of the three cited contentions that is expressly forbidden in the Bible. That being the case, I believe that those willing to stand up and be counted as part of this argument hold their convictions much closer to the chest than they would if they were contending against either the legalization of marijuana, or immigration.

That was probably the least funny paragraph I have ever written. And I actually feel bad about that.

Sue me for trying to tie in some social relevance into a blog about video games, right? Sheesh. Oh well. Thanks for indulging me Jesse, Joe, and the seven other people that will ever see this post, let alone get this far through it. Believe it or not, the discussion of the perception of gay marriage in our country above does have some bearing, however minuscule and incredibly forced, on the larger and much more important topic of achievements.

Yesterday, I played Fable III for... a good... eight to ten hours, during which I racked up in excess of 200G. Worth it? Who knows. Fun? Ho yeah. For the record, this game rules. I haven't played I or II, but I will be taking a serious look at them when my time with the third installment has come to a close. Maybe I'll Tarantino the entire Fable trilogy; play from the ending to the beginning. There are two achievements in particular that took some finagling (thank you Firefox spell check), and the second I have yet to secure. These achievements are:


Long Distance Relationship (10G) - Get married to another Xbox Live Player.





Cross-Dimensional Conception (10G) - Have a child with another Xbox Live Player.



Some of you may now see, or at least suspect, where the correlation between my opening stanza and these achievements lies. Yeah. It's gonna be like that.

First, I must point out the obvious. No matter how many nicely painted and perfumed toes I will be stepping on, I have to say: girls (women, females, etc.) do not play on LIVE. It's just a fact of nature. Dinosaurs are extinct, the Earth is round, and girls are not on Xbox LIVE. The end. That being the case, you can imagine the inherent difficulty I expected to encounter in even getting married to another player on LIVE, let alone convincing them to... well... let's just say... join you in securing the Cross-Dimensional Conception achievement. Now, I will admit, my first instinct was "I have to find a girl to get these?! Ha! Right!" Because I, myself, am heterosexual. However, it wasn't long before I remembered that homosexuality is an included aspect of the Fable III universe. Up until this point, it had affected my character very little. I had already been married twice, divorced once, with two little scamps running around the world.

Two quick asides: My first child was a girl named Lisa, who was conceived very early on in the game. I found myself experiencing the same thoughts that many real-world teen parents must experience. The feeling of being unable to enjoy a "full" life with individual experiences. However, since my baby was digital, and would not require any actual support, emotional, financial, or otherwise, I bailed. True story. However, as fate would have it, I came 'round to the Orphanage in Bowerstone Industrial in an attempt to complete the Adopt or Die (5G) achievement, and stumbled upon none other than little Lisa, now an orphan, but as virtuous as the day her dad walked out on her. By this time I had become King of Albion, and had taken up residence in Bowerstone Castle with my second wife, and our son, Orion. So I signed the virtual papers, and made the conscious decision to love Lisa once again. O, how sweet the sound.

The second aside: My character is white, my second wife is white, but our son is black. Wtf.

Moving on. After giving the prospect of finding a potential female spouse on LIVE any thought at all, I realized the chances were slim. In the same breath, however, I remembered that gay marriage is common in Fable. That being the case, I decided to take my chances with whatever character inhabited the world Fable's LIVE function decided to drop me into. Surprise surprise, three out of three were male. Number one was very early on in the game, and was in the process of completing a quest in which he had to take a villager by the hand, and lead her somewhere. Naturally, I killed his villager almost instantly. And that was the end of that. Number two was glitchy. No good there. Number three actually proved to be a cool dude, with the gamertag "whackipedia" (I cringe as I type "cool dude," remembering the activities I would initiate with this person later), and we chatted a little via messages on LIVE. I hooked him up with around 500K in gold, and popped the question. The text box that read "whackipedia is considering your proposal" hung on the uncomfortably silent screen for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, Mr. whackipedia came to me with what I can only label as an appropriately awkward response to an admittedly awkward situation. "ok but im on top." To which I promptly replied "that's cool. i'm a power bottom anyway." We chuckled to ourselves, broke the tension, and got hitched. I should mention here that when preparing a wedding in Fable, you are afforded the choice of more expensive and more extravagant ceremonies, as well as the contrary. We had a "Street Wedding." Thanks, whackipedia. While we were at it, we also struck up a business partnership while we were at it, securing both of us the Online Merger (10G) achievement. Next came the most uncomfortable concept of the entire ordeal: conception. There were two routes to satisfying (poor choice of words) achievement in my mind: conception, or adoption. I took the achievement's description literally, and thought we should at least attempt legitimate conception. I also figured that the folks at Lionhead Studios were aware of the shortage of women LIVE players, and, for a meager 10G, were likely to say screw it, and allow same sex couples to conceive. Oh, how wrong I was. The deed was done, and no achievement bubble. I felt... dirty. Soiled, if you will. Undoubtedly the most confusing experience of my character's long and noble life, without even a child to show for it. Granted, this may be for the best, as that child would most certainly be an abomination against nature.
So, we set out for the Orphanage, which I knew all too well. Again, I signed the virtual papers, this time as half of a gay married couple. But alas, no achievement. I'm left to conclude that, in order to secure this achievement, I must face the daunting task of finding a female Fabler on LIVE.

I'd like to thank whackipedia for being a good sport, as well as Mr. McDonald for privileging me with posting privileges. I realize it's quite a privilege, and I must admit, I feel quite privileged.

Notable achievements thus far.

These are my three toughest achievements to date. The first one is Platinum Nom Nom from Kinect Adventures. It requires you to get a platinum medal in every event in free play. Some of those are really tough and can get frustrating. I know Josh is working on getting 100 % in KA, so I wish him the best of luck. Joe won't get it. I'm not even worried.

The second one is beating Halo: Reach on Legendary. The only one in Reach that's tougher is beating it on Legendary solo. I plan to do that before this is over. I have 6 missions to do by myself, but Reach on Legendary solo is the equivalent of fighting 6,000 Marines with a baseball bat, while drunk, on rollerskates. Yeah, like that.

The third is from Lego Star Wars. As you can see, it's 100% it. You have to collect so many stupid freakin' blue/white containers, mini-kits, gold bricks, and red bricks that it could drive a man crazy. I almost didn't make it out. Trust me.

On a lighter note, here's a text from Joe today-

"Dammit dude go easy on me haha."

That is not going to ever happen, Joseph. EVER.


Recap of scores --

Joseph - 12585
(530)
Josh - 12055
(3865)
Jesse - 8190